Lost Without You
by Davan Shaylee
Summary: This is the sequel to If I Could Turn Back Time. Dean is gone. Illyria is alone. Sam is an emotional wreck. How will the two of them go on without Dean? Will Sam survive hunting on his own? Will Illyria be able to raise a child by herself? SPOILERS! R
1. Introduction

Introduction

Wow, it's been quite awhile since my last post. I've been working hard to perfect the third fic in this little series I've started. I know I'm behind, but I had to keep going with the flow of my stories. This fic obviously takes place in the fourth season. It is based on the first episode. In fact, I used and transcript of the first episode, Lazarus Rising, to write this fic. You'll notice I used a lot of the dialog, but I did tweak it to fit the flow of my stories. For those of you who haven't read the first two fics, they are Curse and If I could turn back time. For those of you who haven't watched the fourth season, this fic contains major spoilers! Anyway, if you've enjoyed the other fics, please continue on and read this one, I hope you enjoy it.

***DICLAIMER***

It's in caps cause, it's a big one.

I do not own anything to do with Supernatural. It is the sole property of Eric Kripke. Most of the dialog in this fic it the property of Eric Kripke and his writers. I have only added and tweaked certain parts of the dialog.

Thank you to all who have been reading my stuff. For those of you with twitter (if you really like my stuff) you can follow me, Purplepixie1886. I'll be posting on there when I update my stories. Please R&R!


	2. Mourning

Lost Without You

Summary

Illyria is a month away from giving birth. Sam has been hunting alone, with the occasional assistance from Ruby. He still comes home to Illyria, but she doesn't know what he's up to. They're both still mourning, they're having a hard time coping. Dean has been dead for three months. But something strange is about to happen. Something no one saw coming.

Chapter One

Mourning

"I miss him so much," Illyria whispered.

"Me too," Sam answered. They were sitting on the sofa in Illyria's living room. The room was dark, the soft glow of burning embers in the fire place was their only light. The two of them sat in the dark, silent. They do this every night. That's the way it's been since the night Dean was dragged to hell.

"How long has it been?" Illyria questioned as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Three months," Sam mumbled.

"It doesn't feel that long. It feels like it only happened yesterday," Illyria's voice was trembling, "I wish I got to say goodbye. Why was I such a bitch?"

Sam took Illyria's hand, "you have to stop beating yourself up over that."

"How can I Sam? The last thing I did was walk away from him and lock myself in my bedroom. I never spoke to him or called him. How could I do that? I didn't even say I love you," Illyria was trying so hard to keep back her tears. She didn't want to cry anymore. She had been crying for months.

"He knew you were just upset. He knew you loved him and he still love you. I'm she he still knows," Sam comforted her, "now, you should go and get some rest."

"I can't sleep," Illyria's voice was weak, she was exhausted.

"You have to sleep. All this emotional stress isn't good for the baby. You need to rest," Sam was stern. He didn't want Illyria hurting herself or the baby. They were all he had left.

Illyria smiled, "alright Sam, I'll try to sleep. You should get some rest too. You look awful."

"Yeah, I'll head up in a minute," Sam replied.

Illyria got up and made her way to the stairs. She stopped at the base of the staircase. She looked over at Sam. He looked to broken, she wished there was something she could do. She headed up the stairs and into her room.

Sam was still downstairs. He couldn't sleep, he still needed to find a way to bring Dean back. Instead of going to bed Sam headed outside and got into the Impala. He drove off into the night.

* * *

The next morning Illyria woke up to the sounds of barking. Why were the dogs barking? One thing crossed her mind, demons. Illyria sat up and got out of bed as quickly as she could. She had to get down to the basement. She threw on her robe and rushed out the door. She waddled down the stairs, but when she got to the last step she saw who the dogs were barking at.

"Sam?" Illyria gasped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I was up early so I went and got us breakfast," Sam explained and held up a large brown paper bag.

"It's okay, I just got a little scared," Illyria sighed. She was relieved to see Sam, but she didn't understand why the dogs were barking at him. They've never barked at Sam before.

They went into the kitchen. Sam brought the food to the table. Illyria grabbed a few plates and some utensils. Sam started pulling food out of the bag. He had bagels, muffins, a takeout box filled with pancakes, eggs, bacon and sausage. Illyria looked at all the food, then up at Sam.

"What? I wasn't sure what you'd be craving this morning. So, I got a little bit of everything," Sam confessed.

"No, it's fine. I was just a little surprised to see so much food. Do you want coffee? I can make a pot," Illyria replied.

"Yeah, but I'll make it. You sit down and start eating," Sam insisted.

Illyria sat at the table and helped herself to some pancakes. Sam was so good to her. She often wondered if Dean would've been the same way. She wished Dean was here, helping her prepare for the baby. Every kick she felt in her belly made her think of Dean. She didn't know what she was having. She wanted the gender to be a surprise. The one thing she did know, she was expecting twins.

She hadn't told Sam about that. She didn't want to scare him off. He already disappeared from time to time. She wanted him there in the delivery room with her. She didn't want to go through that alone. Sam sat down with his coffee and made himself a plate. Just as Illyria finished her breakfast, she felt a terrible pain in her abdomen. She winced and clutched her belly.

"Illyria? You okay?" Sam asked, he was very concerned.

Illyria shook her head, "no, Sam, I think it's time."

Sam's eyes grew wide. Without thinking twice he jumped out of his seat, ran up the stairs to Illyria's room and gathered some of her things. Just as fast he came back down the stairs, grabbed Illyria and rushed to the car. They had to get to the hospital. Illyria was in labor.


	3. Little Miracles

Chapter Two

Little Miracles

Sam was driving as fast as he could. Illyria was having contractions, she was trying not to scream, but it was very hard.

"Just breath Illyria, just like we learned in lamas class," Sam encouraged. Illyria started her breathing and Sam did it with her. This helped her focus and then the contraction passed.

"Sam, I don't know if I can do this. I'm really scared," Illyria whimpered.

"I know you are, but there's no turning back now. Just think, when this is over you're going to have a beautiful baby boy or girl," Sam was so hard to comfort her.

"Or one of each, hell maybe two boys or two girls," Illyria mumbled.

Sam looked over at her, "what are you saying?"

Illyria sighed, "I didn't want to tell you. I was afraid you'd take off and I'd be alone. Sam…I'm having twins."

Sam looked back at the road. He was speechless, but he was also a little upset. This was all very overwhelming. "Why would you think I would leave you?" Sam asked.

Illyria shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, who wants to help out a single mom, let alone a single mom with twins. I'm sorry Sam, I guess I just panicked."

"Illyria, I'll always be here for you. With Dean gone, you and Bobby are all I have left. And your children will always remind me of Dean. I am after all their uncle. So, don't worry about things like that," Sam explained. Illyria just smiled.

They finally reached the hospital. Sam rushed Illyria inside and got her settled. They filled out some paper work. Illyria started having another contraction. The nurse took the paper work from Sam and brought Illyria into a room. Now, they waited.

8 hours later…

"Alright Illyria, you're doing great. Now, I need you to start pushing for me," the doctor instructed Illyria.

Illyria was lying on her back, trying to breathe and keep calm. Sam was right there with her in the delivery room with her. She was holding his hand and squeezing it every time she pushed.

"You're doing a great job Illyria," Sam encouraged.

"One more push and baby number one will be out," the doctor stated.

Illyria gave it her all and a moment later she could her a baby crying.

"It's a girl!" the doctor exclaimed.

"She's beautiful Illyria," Sam added.

The doctor looked at Sam, "would you like to cut the umbilical cord?"

Sam smiled, "I'd love to." A nurse helped Sam while the doctor focused on Illyria.

"Alright, baby number two is coming. You can do it Illyria, you're doing a great job. One more big push," the doctor coached her.

Illyria was so tired. But she kept going. She pushed as hard as she could. Moments later, she heard more crying.

"It's a boy," the doctor said happily.

Illyria sighed with relief. She was beat. The doctor had Sam cut the other umbilical cord as well. Then the nurse brought the two newborns over to Illyria. Illyria held them and she started to cry a little. She wished Dean could've been there.

"They're both so beautiful. Dean would be proud," Sam whispered.

"Yeah, they really are. I wish he was here with us now," Illyria replied.

"Have you thought of any names?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I have a few ideas. I've been thinking a lot about names. I'm going to go with Dean Ciaran and Samantha Siobhan. That way our little boy is named after his father and grandfather and our little girl is technically name after her uncle Sam and her grandmother," Illyria explained.

"I think those are great names. And don't worry, I'm here to help you with whatever you need," Sam assured her.

Illyria smiled, "thank you Sam. I'm very grateful for your company and all the things you've done for me."

* * *

Illyria and Sam were finally back home. They had prepared the nursery for the twins arrival a few days before they came home. Illyria was happy to be home. She was even more happy to have her babies home with her. Sam on the other hand, seemed a little overwhelmed. Illyria noticed a change in his behavior. He was on the phone constantly and keeping to himself more than usual. He was very quiet.

The dogs were barking at him more often. And he was frequently leaving the house in the middle of the night. Illyria decided she needed to confront him about his strange new habits. She had gone to bed, she would talk to him in the morning. Just as she was dozing off, she heard the front door creak open and click shut. Then she heard the rumble of the impala. He was leaving again.

The next morning Illyria got up to get the twin's bottles ready. She headed downstairs, hoping to find Sam in the kitchen. But when she got down there Sam wasn't there. She walked over to the window and opened the curtains. The impala was still gone, Sam never came home.


End file.
